As Christmas Eve marks the anniversary of my husband’s passing, it is always time of many mixed emotions, contemplation, memories, and more. And somehow it always presses on my heart to write a bit of a reflection as well…
Seven years. I keep redoing the math because it doesn’t seem possible. How can it have been seven years ago that my sweetheart graduated from this earth and went to be with Jesus? Time is such a surreal thing in grief, and of course this year has been kind of surreal in pretty much every way anyway.
When the whole world shuts down and forces more time home alone than ever, with hugs being deemed a health risk but everyone joking about all the quarantine babies going to be born, the sense of loss and loneliness can come back in deeper ways. What I wouldn’t give to see my sweetheart’s smile, hear his laughter, be wrapped up in one of his amazing hugs, or just rest my head on his shoulder with my hand in his at the end of the day. Yet I’m so grateful we were able to share all that love and more, however unlikely it may have seemed, for over 18 and a half years. What gifts of grace.
And I’m so grateful for all the ways God has been providing this year even in the midst of the heartache and loneliness, too. It’s more than I can begin to put into words here, although my prayer journal seems to be full of them. But the juxtaposition of sorrow and joy, aching and hope all seems to come together in a more profound way at this time of year than any other.
My heart turns to Emmanuel, God with us, the greatest gift. He never runs from our pain or tries to push it away. Instead He enters in. The Son of God who took on flesh and every human frailty also took on the cross and all its suffering, bearing our burdens for the joy set before Him and conquering sin and death forever. And He ever lives to make intercession for us.
So once again the weary world rejoices with a thrill of hope and the light that shines in our darkness. Emmanuel is here, our Prince of Peace. And we are never alone.
“Nevertheless, there will be no more gloom for those who were in distress…
The people walking in darkness
have seen a great light;
on those living in the land of deep darkness
a light has dawned…
For to us a child is born,
to us a son is given,
and the government will be on his shoulders.
And he will be called
Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God,
Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.”
~ Isaiah 9:1a, 2, 6 (NIV)
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